so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
