My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
