My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
