At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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