im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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