You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
