It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
