I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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