Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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