I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize