You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
