Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This girl is more easily done than said...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i drank out of a bidet.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
