And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
