You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
