i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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