After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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