but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
