Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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