at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
