Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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