I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize