Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
