I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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