Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize