You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
