Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
