Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
