Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize