Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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