Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
