i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
