Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
