and you said cock pushups were impossible
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
