Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
