We're like a lot better than the average bears
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
