worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
