Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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