Fine. I'll sleep in my office
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize