Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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