That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
