Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
