I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
In other news, I just burned my penis
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
