Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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