So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize