That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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