im drinking this country out of the recession.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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