Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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