you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
