He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
