you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
