He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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