I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
