So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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