if only i could text you this smell
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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