Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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