you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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