piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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