Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
