I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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