he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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