WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
