You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
