Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
