Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
