Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
