I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Quick, to the slutcave!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you had me at cake vodka
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
