plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
God I need to hump something, right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
