woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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