Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
North Korea, Best Korea!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
