I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
