dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
