I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
