Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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