i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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