apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
