i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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