i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
