he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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