Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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