Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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