just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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