I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
