Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
