even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got inside last night via doggy door
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
