We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize