The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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