R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
