oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
