I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
