I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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