Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
