Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
