i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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