things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
