Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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